When Confidence Feels Just Out of Reach: What It Really Means to Build Self-Worth
Why Self-Esteem Isn’t Just a Catchy Buzzword
We hear a lot about confidence and self-worth these days. Social media is flooded with quotes urging you to “love yourself,” “set boundaries,” and “be confident.” But what happens when that feels completely out of reach?
What if, deep down, you don’t actually feel good about yourself — no matter how hard you try?
You might be successful on paper. Maybe you’re dependable, smart, and constantly helping others. And yet, there’s this quiet feeling inside — like you’re always falling short. Like you have to work twice as hard to feel “enough.” You might not talk about it out loud, but you feel it: in relationships, at work, and especially when you're alone.
Low self-esteem isn’t always loud. It doesn’t always look like someone curled up in bed, crying or spiraling. In fact, it often hides in plain sight — behind overworking, perfectionism, people-pleasing, or never speaking your needs. And for many high-achieving individuals, low self-worth feels like the secret they can’t afford to admit.
But here’s the truth: You’re not broken. You’re not dramatic. And you’re definitely not alone.
In this blog, I’ll be discussing how to recognize the signs of low self-esteem and what you can do to start feeling confident in your own skin.
Hi, I’m Amanda Parmley, MA, LCMHC
I am a counselor in Carolina Beach, NC, and I specialize in helping adults improve self-esteem, decrease anxiety, and move past trauma. I provide EMDR therapy to help clients process the deep-rooted beliefs and experiences that keep them stuck in cycles of stress, low self-esteem, and anxiety.
Click the button below to begin your journey toward confidence and emotional freedom.
The Subtle Signs of Low Self-Esteem That Most People Miss
Low self-esteem doesn’t always scream. Often, it whispers — in the background of your day-to-day life. The signs can be so subtle that you might not even realize they’re connected to how you feel about yourself.
Here are some common ways it shows up:
You second-guess your decisions — even small ones, like what to wear or whether to send that text.
You over-apologize, even when you haven’t done anything wrong.
You avoid asking for help, because you don’t want to be a burden.
You struggle to accept compliments, brushing them off or making a self-deprecating joke.
You’re constantly replaying past mistakes, even things others have long forgotten.
You feel the need to prove yourself — in relationships, at work, and even socially.
You’re often the “strong one” for everyone else, but struggle to share when you need support.
In therapy, many clients initially say, “I don’t think I have low self-esteem... I’m just really hard on myself.” But being your own harshest critic isn’t a personality trait — it’s a pattern. And like any pattern, it can be unlearned.
Why Quick Fixes Don’t Work for Building True Confidence
There’s no shortage of self-help advice out there. “Think positively.” “Just believe in yourself.” “Say daily affirmations.”
But if it were that easy, you wouldn’t still feel stuck.
The truth is: You can’t “positive-think” your way out of deep-seated self-doubt. Building self-esteem isn’t about surface-level confidence. It’s about healing the root of those feelings — the part of you that learned (often early in life) that you had to earn your worth.
Here’s what the quick-fix mindset often overlooks:
Self-esteem is relational — it’s shaped by your earliest relationships and reinforced over time.
You can’t build self-worth by skipping over your pain — you have to understand where it came from.
True confidence doesn’t come from perfection — it comes from compassion.
That’s why therapy can be such a powerful space for this kind of work. Not because you need to be “fixed,” but because you finally deserve the space to feel seen, heard, and supported — without having to perform.
What Real Healing Looks Like (Hint: It's Not Always Loud)
Working on your self-esteem doesn’t mean becoming someone completely different. It’s about finally feeling solid in who you already are — without constantly questioning your worth.
In the therapy room, these changes often start small but are deeply meaningful. You might notice:
You stop catastrophizing every mistake — and start offering yourself grace.
You begin saying no without feeling like a bad person.
You stop feeling like you have to "keep it all together" all the time.
You feel less triggered by criticism.
You actually believe people when they say they care about you.
You trust yourself — even when things are uncertain.
These shifts might not look dramatic from the outside. But inside? They’re everything. They mean you’re no longer hustling for your worth. You’re building it from within.
Why Self-Esteem Work Can Be Especially Helpful in Therapy
As a therapist, I specialize in working with individuals who are struggling with low self-worth — even if they’re high-functioning on the outside. Whether you're battling anxiety, relationship issues, burnout, or past trauma, low self-esteem often plays a bigger role than you realize.
In our work together, you won’t get generic advice or toxic positivity. Instead, you’ll get:
A deeper understanding of where your inner critic comes from
Tools to challenge unhelpful beliefs (like “I’m not good enough” or “I can’t mess up”)
Support for learning how to advocate for your needs
Guidance for setting boundaries without guilt
Practical, evidence-based strategies
Most importantly, therapy offers a safe relationship — one where you’re not being judged, rushed, or told to “get over it.” It’s a space where you matter, even when you don’t feel like you do.
What Causes Low Self-Esteem in the First Place?
If you’ve ever wondered, Why do I feel this way?, know this: Self-esteem doesn’t form in a vacuum. It’s shaped by your early environment, lived experiences, and the messages you’ve internalized — often over many years.
Some common contributors to low self-worth include:
Critical or emotionally unavailable caregivers
Childhood emotional neglect or trauma
Bullying, peer rejection, or social exclusion
Cultural or societal messaging around gender, race, body image, or ability
Toxic relationships or experiences of betrayal
Chronic anxiety or perfectionism
Understanding these origins isn’t about blame — it’s about insight. When you know where the pattern began, you can finally begin to break free from it.
The Confidence You’re Looking For? It’s Already in You
If you’re reading this, you’ve probably spent a lot of time trying to fix what feels broken. You’ve tried to be “better,” “stronger,” more confident, more productive, more of something. But the truth is: You don’t need to be more. You just need support to come home to who you already are.
Self-worth isn’t something you earn. It’s something you remember.
And you don’t have to do it alone.
You Don’t Have to Keep Carrying This Alone
Low self-worth isn’t a flaw in who you are. It’s often a reflection of what you've lived through. And it can be healed.
If you’re tired of white-knuckling your way through life or constantly questioning your worth, you deserve a space to be supported — not just told to “tough it out.”
Let’s change the way you see yourself.
How to Start Therapy with Amanda Parmley, MA, LCMHC:
1. Click the button below to request a free 15-minute consultation.
2.
Complete a short intake questionnaire.
3. Take the phone call from Amanda Parmley at the prearranged & agreed-upon time.
4. Start your journey
to feeling better.
Additional Services Offered by Amanda Parmley, MA, LCMHC:
I work with clients throughout North Carolina and Florida, offering both online therapy and in-person sessions for those in the Wilmington, NC area. Whether virtually or face-to-face, my goal is to help you feel more grounded, empowered, and confident in who you are.
I work with clients navigating:
Low self-esteem and self-worth
Anxiety and overthinking
People-pleasing and boundary challenges
Perfectionism and burnout
Trauma and unresolved emotional pain
Whether you’ve been in therapy before or this is your first time reaching out, I’m here to meet you exactly where you are.
No judgment. No pressure. Just support that’s real, practical, and rooted in compassion. Experiencing chronic insomnia? I also provide CBT-I.
Interested in counseling and want to use your insurance? I accept many insurance plans. Reach out today to inquire whether I’m network.
Interested in attending counseling in the office? I'm located at 1328 N Lake Park Blvd, STE 109, Carolina Beach, NC 28428. Once you cross over Snow's Cut Bridge, take the first left at the light & I am located in Carolina Beach Pavilion.
Online Counseling
Are you interested in counseling but live too far to commute to the session? If you are located within the state of North Carolina & are interested in online counseling, reach out today to discuss whether this is the right option for you.
Now Offering Telehealth for Florida Residents – Private Pay Only
I am now available to see clients in Florida via secure telehealth sessions. If you're struggling with anxiety, trauma, or low self-esteem, virtual therapy can provide the support you need from the comfort of your home. Contact me to learn more or schedule a session today!